It is amazing to me that I was once a girl who settled for less than what (I know in my heart) I am worth...About 5 years ago I was in a once-a-week-for-6-months relationship when my friend, Diana, gave me a book which I was not prepared to take too seriously until I actually read it and it made me realise that 'knowing' can actually be quite simple. This book is called 'He's Just Not That Into You' by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo.
To my delight, I have just Googled the book and: FOUND THE MOVIE! (watch the trailer below):
I got chatting with someone who told me about a person we mutually care about and I suggested the book to her....dug around in my book case & found my copy (PHEW! Thought I'd lent it out and not got it back)...I ended up reading practically the whole book again & I am officially counting my blessings - I have truly found my perfect match and we're blissfully happy :)
When talking about 'the perfect man' with single (or in bad relationship) friends, I ask them if they've made their list. This may seem really silly - and it may seem not to carry weight as its coming from someone who's a-year-and-a-bit into an actual, wonderful marriage, but I don't, for one second, believe that I would be where I am today had I not made my list(s).
The list is a wish list -- a dream list -- a sickeningly soppy compilation of every movie-character-man I'd ever loved list -- a mad, ranting, crossing off after a relationship gone sour and ever-growing-longer list I made to compile my perfect man while I was waiting for him to grace me with his presence, sweep me off my feet & above all: allow me to just 'know' that my heart is ALWAYS safe with him.
I spoke a lot with other women during my dating days - asking married women how you 'know' -- the answer was always too vague for me: 'You just know' (like your Mom used an unsatisfying 'because' to explain something too complicated to get into & end the conversation as soon as she could).
What I 'know' is that one never really 'knows' as life is really uncertain - as in, you don't KNOW that its going to work - you TRUST that its going to work & you put 100% into it working because you know this: every time I hold my hand out, Geoff takes it - every time he holds his hand out - I take it. Its as simple as that. I never have to worry that he won't hold my hand...and everything else is built up from that basic foundation of a knowledge that I am loved & that I am in love with this man because we take each other's hand - and want to! Our individual happiness is dependent on the other's happiness, so we both work at being happy within ourselves, putting the other first & the rest follows beautifully.
Just so you know where I'm coming from, amongst others, I had:
- Mr. I'm-Taking-My-Ex-Out-On-Our-Movie-Tickets
(because she's had a hard day) -- when I'd been looking forward to seeing him all week, because he was, after all, my boyfriend of 1.5 years... - Mr. I-Don't-Mean-To-Patronise-You-But...
(and then proceeded to patronise me) - Mr. I-Just-Got-Out-Of-A-Long-Relationship-So-I-Can't-Commit
(after 3+ months of seeing one another) - Mr. I-Just-Want-To-Be-Friends (with benefits)
- Mr. You-Are-Leaving-In-A-Year-So-I-Don't-Want-To-Call-You-My-Girlfriend
(we saw each other for a year) - Mr. Never-Seen-Where-He-Lives
(This, incidentally, is also Mr. Once-A-Week-For-6-Months. 6 months after I ended things with him, I met Geoff & he suddenly appeared back on the scene & wanted to MARRY ME! and believe me, it was flattering...but I realised that it was all on his terms - with blatant disregard for what I wanted / needed... and Geoff was really into me!)
- Guys who say they'll call but don't - leaving me waiting by the phone (yes! So pathetic!) / obsessing about when they might call / waiting the longest possible time before giving in and sending an email / SMS / keeping days open in case they want to do something together
- Guys who manipulated me into feeling bad for their situations (when I have actually not done anything wrong & they just need to squish me to feel worthwhile or whatever)
- A guy who thought that being with me would solve all his problems... His life didn't become easier - he drifted emotionally away - I ended up feeling rejected & so, a beautiful, fun relationship came to an end.
- Broken up with over the phone
- Broken up with via SMS [ " I just don't think you're the one for me. I don't know how else to put it. " ]
- Broken up with via Email
- Ignored till I sadly figured we weren't seeing one another any more...
...and through it all, I edited my list. Things I thought I wanted - then realised I didn't...things I realised I liked, that made me feel good - I added...& I learned things from friendships - with men as well as women. Friendships are a great way to learn about qualities you like / don't like to spend a lot of time with. A marriage relationship is like the super-duper ultra-special edition multi-multi-box-set of a friendship that you can't ever get enough of :)
It wasn't all moon-shine & roses with Geoff in the beginning, but after a bit of time we realised that we could overcome quite serious obstacles because of our compatibility...we are way beyond the foundation of 'He's Just Not That Into You' & have an amazing time, living and loving together. I never have to worry about who I am - I can be myself, totally, all the time & he loves me for it. I love who he is & I can allow him to totally be himself as well, because he is FANTASTIC :)
Geoff is proof to me that my wildest 'girlie' dreams, longings, desires... fantasies can indeed come true & that they can be exceeded a hundred times over ...and now I am at the point where I feel I do just 'know'. I know that there is absolutely no doubt in my mind - things are great - I am so happy - & there is peace in my heart :)
Here's to true love!
2 comments:
Hey Gina, great entry! Lots of love, Col
I loved this entry Gins!
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